![]() You’ve got your tribal island warriors, your undead legions, your ghouls, your leprechauns, your lions, beasts, dragons – all of which are well animated and lovely and detailed but none of which carry the same lasting charm as developed characters or the harmless fish bowls with mechanical legs that wander the beaches who flee screeching in abject terror as you approach them. The rest of the enemies are fine and dandy. I switched the difficulty down a fair few times not because it got too frustrating but because I am rubbish at things and panic when faced with black slimes. In fact, the only setting I changed was the difficulty, which on medium offers a stout challenge in response to some complaints about previous games being a little too easy. Mehhh mehh mehh, Brendan, stop changing the settings on my game. Mehhh mehh mehh, I want to click more things. You still tick “auto-equip best armour” in the equipment menu because you’re a lazy nob-barnacle who simply doesn’t want to do mental arithmetic on his day off, not like one of those moany moaners who moan and moan about games being ‘dumbed down these days’ – “Mehhh mehh mehh, I don’t like fun. You still hit baddies with sticks and you still collect all the loot and you still get bigger sticks and you still charge up a Justice Meter to unleash more powerful attacks. IS THERE?”Īnd yet, not much else has changed either. The description reads: “Nothing wrong with carrying a bat around. At one point you find a melee weapon in a mobster leprechaun’s casino called A Perfectly Legal Bat. If anything, it’s worth checking out the item descriptions themselves. You still find weapons are either ranged, melee or elemental melee and many are reiterations of weapons you’ve already collected, which sucks a little variety out of the looting but not in any way that can’t be shrugged off. In terms of running around and boshing things open with variants of a big stick, not much seems different. I hope that makes sense.Īdmittedly, this visual lovely won’t be new to DeathSpank botherers. Rather, that’s what it looks like it feels like to walk into the horizon in The Baconing. Well, nothing will ever feel that much fun again. Yeah? That’s what it feels like to walk into the horizon in The Baconing. Remember when you were wee and you put your two fingers on the globe in the geography classroom? And then started running your hand along an axis, spinning the globe as you went, as if your hand was a giant, malformed man stomping around the world? Stomp, stomp, stomp. Meanwhile, background cut-outs are silhouetted against the sky, their pop-up book animations looping constantly, and the whole world rolls ecliptically out of the horizon. Colourful cardboard cut-outs of trees and dogs and houses act as obvious movie set props among the 3D environment. Do you see how I got from being wet and nude to being in front of a PC, blinking at all the pretty DeathSpank? And it is very pretty. You know what else you should try? The Baconing. This act is life’s F5 button and you should try it. In this way, I could hear nothing but the faint, distant patter of water on porcelain. I got back into the shower, sat down, closed my eyes and folded the flaps of my ears over my ear canals. What do you think of THAT Square Brackets Jim!? Īnyway. “ No ‘editor called me’ intros.” I resolved to disobey him as soon as I finished my toilet. “A review of unprecedented amazingness please,” he replied. When I read the message bleeping away in my jeans I found it simply read: “The Baconing: Review?” I replied with a lengthy acceptance speech, pointing out many of Jim’s finer qualities. So I got out of the water and put down my Wheetos. I was having my breakfast shower last Thursday when I got a message from Jim.
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